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"Hiki mai ka ‘ino, a hiki mai no ka malie."

Bad weather comes, and good weather comes, too. 

Introduction

Kaumaha ‘Elua offers handles for workers to help ʻohana with unidentified, unresolved grief.  Knowledge about practices to assist these ‘ohana may better help them go through a more healthy grieving process. ‘Ohana members may not realize the full impact of their response to unresolved grief.

LT encourages our workers to practice kūkulu kumuhana or pooling resources to be able to separate their own unresolved issues, related to loss, which could become enmeshed in a countertransference situation.  Simply put, it is about knowing thyself.  Workers should utilize their own personal reactions about themselves and use those personal cues to help ‘ohana and ‘opio with their emotions, experiences, or problems.  As workers of the Queen, our work calls us to help grieving ʻohana​​ in many different ways such as comforting an ‘opio in the loss of a parent, helping with the loss of a partner (through breakup, divorce, or death), assisting a surviving parent with parenting skills, and facilitating the ‘ohana to move forward in the face of loss.

Definitions

Taken from Nānā I Ke Kumu: Volumes I & II.

• Kūkulu kumuhana (Vol. I: pgs. 78, 67, 157) – prepare the work source (for engagement). Pooling resources for a task or a job.
• Oli (Vol. I: pgs. 127, 135, 165) – chant. The use of chants, dirges, and wailing continues through Hawaiian mourning practices. Hawaiians would vent their sorrows in the old time olis.
• Noho (Vol. I: pgs. 141, 159; Vol. II: pgs. 34, 39, 46, 141)- possession by the spirit of a dead person. Hawaii’s noho may or may not be a symptom of grief work undone. Viewed outside its cultural context, spirit possession seems to be the ultimate in identification with the dead and, as such, is a symptom of pathological grief.
• ‘Unihipili (Vol. I: pgs. 143, 195; Vol. II: pgs. 26, 40, 108, 161, 175, 178)- deification of bones. Hawaii’s ‘unihipili was notably a ritual form of denied or deficient grief work. In ‘unihipili, bereaved lovers would keep deceased person’s bones or possessions. The survivor is unable to accept reality of death by keeping existing presence in their mind and emotions. This, in any culture, is a basis of incomplete grief work or pathological grief.
• Mālama pū‘olo (Vol. I: pg. 148; Vol. II: pg. 25)- keeping of bones or objects. Mālama pū‘olo in its oldest meaning referred to keeping bones or super-naturally imbued objects for us in recalling and controlling a spirit. One such practice was the keeping and ritual feeding of the bones of a dead relative or close, loved person. These bones were considered deified.
• Hō‘ike (Vol. I: pg. 53; Vol. II: pgs. 12, 38, 45, 95, 138, 204)- a revelation. The knowing. To see, know or receive knowledge. It is commonly relatable to a supernatural revelation.

Video Content

When watching the video: 1) Consider observations of how people express their emotions at a funeral. 2) What are rituals associated with the dead and dying that illustrate ‘ohana support and care?  3) Does your ‘ohana have cultural practices that promote emotional expression associated with death and dying?

Traditional Hawaiian Unresolved Grief Practice

Addressing unresolved grief assists the ‘ohana by creating a healthier grieving process. Often ‘ohana members may not realize the all encompassing impact of their unresolved grief.  Workers support the ‘ohana as they partner with the ‘ohana to identify the unresolved grief and its impact upon self, family and connected systems.

‘Unihipili – the keeping of a body part of possession of the dead person

Nānā I Ke Kumu: Vol. I (pgs. 195 – 196) Figuratively, emotionally calling back and clinging to the dead. Or, in psychiatric terms, the ‘ohanamember is engaged in “grief work” not yet completed. The stage by stage processes of realization, active mourning and recovery had been suppressed, interrupted or blocked.  The living had not yet achieved emotional separation from the dead.

Ho‘olana – to float

Though Hawaiian mourning traditions were healthfully expressed, not all Hawaiians grieve successfully. When someone has not successfully grieved, ho ‘olana was used to send the mourner on a trip to another island, to get away from the grave which affects prolonged and excessive grief.

Though Hawaiian mourning traditions were healthfully expressed, not all Hawaiians grieve successfully. When someone has not successfully grieved, ho ‘olana was used to send the mourner on a trip to another island, to get away from the grave which affects prolonged and excessive grief.

‘Oki – to cut, to sever, separate in the physical of psychological sense; to remove or lessen consequences or effects

In the Hawaiian worldview, every destructive and negative psychological-emotional force had a counter off setting force. To conduct a psychic balancing act, where transgressions could be forgiven, errors corrected, or curses removed or sent back.  This also included the removal of a kapu or restriction, replace a kapu name with a noa name or name that is free of restrictions.  Through prayer and burning the deceased possessions, ‘oki cuts the ties between the mourner and an ‘unihipili.

In the Hawaiian world view, every destructive and negative psychological-emotional force had a counter off setting force. To conduct a psychic balancing act, where transgressions could be forgiven, errors corrected, or curses removed or sent back.  This also included the removal of akapuor restriction, replace akapuname with a noa name or name that is free of restrictions.  Through prayer and burning the deceased possessions ‘oki cuts the ties between the mourner and an‘unihipili.

Ritual Cleansing

Pī kai – ceremonial spraying of salt water to cleanse from defilement, to exorcise spirits, to remove negative energy.

Pī kai is the spiritual cleansing done with those who were in contact with a dead person before entering their own home to prevent the deceased’s spirit from entering the house. This ritual also reinforces the reality of the death of the individual.

Pule – prayer for healing/cleansing/freeing

Nānā I Ke Kumu: Vol. I (pgs. 21, 23, 84, 100,155, 175) In these prayers, the cleansing is symbolic of letting go. As part of the cleansing, it is a prayer to free or to remove.

Kapu Kai – ceremonial ocean cleansing for the same purpose as pī kai.

Nānā I Ke Kumu: Vol. I (pgs. 122 – 123) Ceremonial bath in the sea/salt water. This was done to purify oneself to remove the kapu (taboo).

Practices Viable for Today

With some modifications the following are considered to be viable traditional mourning practices for today with ‘Ohana:

Aha ʻaina make or feast after burial, Aha ʻaina wai maka, Ho‘oponopono, Pule, ‘Oki, Mele, Kanikau, Hula, Mo‘olelo, Pī kai/Kapu kai. 

Worker Preparation

Worker Self-Reflection

– Think about your personal experiences with unresolved grief.  How did you identify that you had unresolved grief?  Consider the steps you took to resolve it.

– If you have not personally experienced unresolved grief, consider how someone in your ‘ohana or peer group identified and resolved their unresolved grief.

– Reflect on your experiences practicing or observing the Traditional Hawaiian Practices of Kaumaha. If you have not practiced or observed Kaumaha consider your approach to identifying and managing unresolved grief.

Families with complicated dynamics:

– What do you consider in making your assessment?  Can you help a ‘ohana who has complicated dynamics?  If so, what is your role(s)?  If not, what do you do?

– Consider your own professional experiences and how you defined your role.

– Did you seek supervision and/or consultation?

Activities with ‘ohana

Your own worker self-reflection better prepares you to work with ‘ohana with unresolved grief.  Consider the questions below to  help facilitate dialogue with ‘ohana about Kaumaha.

– Where are you in your grief journey?

– Think about your personal experiences with unresolved grief.  How did you identify that you had unresolved grief?  Consider the steps you took to resolve it.

– If you have not personally experienced unresolved grief, discuss how someone in your ‘ohana or peer group identified and resolved their unresolved grief.

– Share your experiences practicing or observing the practice of some or all of the Traditional Hawaiian Practices of Kaumaha. If you have not practiced or observed Kaumaha discuss your approach to identifying and managing unresolved grief.

Readings

• Nānā I Ke Kumu: Volume II – Chapter 3 Hemolele A Me Ke Ola: Holiness and Healing (Ke Kahuna: The Master pgs. 145 – 167)
• Nānā I Ke Kumu: Volume II – Chapter 4 Moe ‘Uhane, Hihi‘o, A Me Hō‘ailono (pgs. 169 – 207)

These readings are extra reading materials that may help you provide further details related to kaumaha.

Noho ‘ia a case study about unresolved grief

Spirituality with Hawaiians

The incident, a case study reflective of hānai outside of the ʻohana